I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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