This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
