I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
