I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
