I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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