I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
