i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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