party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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