the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
