im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
