I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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