If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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