fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
