I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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