Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize