I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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