man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
