I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize