I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
