The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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