I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
