I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize