One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
