Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
