Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You ever have a fart follow you around?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
