These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
