You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
