Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
