Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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