y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
