that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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