you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
