was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
