I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
