i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
