So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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