I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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