I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm at about main and main street
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
