Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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