i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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