Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it glows. i had to have it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
