you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize