I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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