On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize