She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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