Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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