Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
