i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize