Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
