He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize