final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
