i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
