I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
