new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
