we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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