last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
