You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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