just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize