Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
