dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
