Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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