Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
