Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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