my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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