It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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