so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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