Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
