totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A+ Viking dick
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