Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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