I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
