I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
