I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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