im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
